literature

A khajiit named Dog

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Literature Text

Well papa left us when I was just a kitten
Took all the gold that he's hidden
My ma did tell that cat was a real hog
Now I know he was quite a milk drinker
But the thing that made him a real stinker
Was to name his Khajiit son "Dog"

I bet he thought it was quite funny
But that made my life quite less than sunny
I had to learn how to steal and hoax
Because I wasnt so law abiding
I ended up crossing the border to Skyrim
Life sure aint easy for a khajiit named Dog

Well, I escaped Helgen in a dragon attack
But not before I made the whole village laugh
When I had to tell the Imperials my given name
I espaced the headsman and a dragon too
Running to Whiterun I knew what I would do
Kick the ass of the cat that's to blame

Turned out I was the Dovahkiin
I stopped the dragons and killed Alduin
But regardless my name kept me flogged
Getting tired of that irony
I stopped at a tavern to drink some mead
And there sat that loin cloth that named me Dog

He turned to me and I saw his eyes
I dont think he even realized
That his grave was already dug
The look on his face said he didnt know
His son was the legendary Dragonborn
And I said: "My name is Dog! Guess what! FUS ROH DAH!"

He went straight through the wooden wall
Everybody screamed and I was in awe
When he got up quick and attacked me with flames
My fur was burning but it didnt matter
I charged at him with both my daggers
I knocked him down and almost cut off his damn tail

You all know of my heroic deeds
But by the moons I have never seen
This kind of pyromancer in a khajiit
He tried to charge another bolt
But I've already drawn my bow
He smiled with his razor sharp teeth

He said: "the moonpaths may lead you astray
Cos look at me, I didnt find my way"
"I had to make sure you wont end up like me"
"So high on skooma I gave you that name
And left you to find your own fame"
"I didnt know what the effects may be"

"And you beat me right into this mud
I bet you want me as a fine rug"
"I'd understand if you slaughter me like a hog"
"But before I die, you must admit I'm right"
"Now you're the Dragonborn, full of might"
"Cos I'm the loin cloth that named you Dog"

I started crying and he got all choked up
I cried out "father" and he called me his "cub"
I understood what this cat had done for me
Now we're happy family once more
And my first son is about to be born
And I told my dad "I would name him....Kharjo! Or J'zargo!
Anything but Dog you crazy old bastard!"
A parody of Johnny Cash's "A Boy named Sue"

Now an actual song!:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=VgAfm8…
© 2014 - 2024 MichaelSchenker2nd
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